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Feb. 5th, 2010 08:20 pm
Kaiba: Kaiba x Neiro
- I just completely broke down today. I started crying and I honest to God didn't think I was going to be able to stop. I just feel so utterly unhappy. I haven't been this miserable since my junior year of high school. I'm miserable with my job and how it's disrupting my life, I'm miserable with my home situation and the people who have invaded my home and won't fucking leave, and most of all, I'm miserable at not being able to get married. I'm so sick of having to push it back and wait. I feel like there is this huge wall standing in the way of my happiness. Worse still, I'm fresh out of explosives. I just feel trapped. Greg has been trying to cheer me up and I truly love him for it, but until things start changing, I don't see my mood improving. I'm trying really hard not to think about next weekend (Valentine's Day). The only thing I want is the one thing I probably won't be able to have. I would love to have the weekend off to spend with Greg. Yeah, it sounds cheesy, but it's something I want so desperately I almost can't stand it. But either we'll be scheduled to work and/or it'll come another big snow which ruins any chances of that happening. 

So yeah, whine whine, rant rant. I gotta go to work. =/
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#52- NOT DEAD YET

Jan. 11th, 2010 03:18 am
Bishoujo Senshi Sailormoon: Usagi 1
→ I think I finally have this layout the way I want it. Simple and neat with please colors. I'm satisfied.

→ Nothing of any sort of significance as went on in my life recently. I've had to push back my wedding date since I seem to be the only person trying to pay for it. I'm about this close to just saying screw it and elope or something. As long as I get to wear my pretty wedding dress, I'll be happy at this point. I just want to get married. I'm so tired of waiting. =/

→ I've been reading through my latest NaNoWriMo novel and I'm actually surprised by how well it's turned out. I think my writing is a little stronger this time. It still needs a lot of work (as well as a middle, since I skipped that part), but I've enjoyed reading through it. I look forward to really seeing what I can do with the story and my vampires, as well as see how I can make it unique in a genre full of bullshit. Yet once again, no one in my family seems to be remotely interested in reading it or talking about it. It seems like I'll never be able to bounce ideas or get feedback on my work. =/

→ I kinda wish I hadn't taken a vacation day tonight, but I honestly didn't feel like going to work. Some days it just so hard to make myself put on my work clothes and walk into that hell hole. Tonight was one of those nights where I lost that battle and caved into temptation. I'm sure I'll regret it later.

→ As for the new anime season, what a stinker. The only show I'll probably be watching is Durarara!!, which had a very nice first episode. Awesome animation, awesome music, loads of interesting looking characters. If it's half as good as Baccano, I'm totally sold. I'm so happy Crunchyroll is streaming it, which means no fansubs for me. YAY!

→ The only other show I've watch is Hanamaru Kindergarten and ummm.. wow, as cute as that show is, it's almost equally creepy, simply because it's target audience. I've got no problem with age difference in relationships (I'd be a hypocrite if I did), but the thought of a mother encouraging the engagement of her five year old child to her kindergarten teacher is fucking creepy. Seriously, NO THANK YOU GAINAX.

→ I might check out Sora no Woto, since CR is streaming it as well, but I don't know. If it's anything at all like K-ON, I would rather fling myself in front of a steamroller than put myself through such torture. =/
  • Current Mood: blah
  • Current Music: Yuuya Matsushita - Trust Me
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#51- So lonely~

Oct. 19th, 2009 07:19 pm
cold
→ I'm sorry that I've sort of abandoned this journal. As many times as I've said I'll do better, I never do. So whatever. I'll use it when I feel like it.

→ I feel so lonely right now. It's not from lack of love, but from lack of having someone who shares me interests with as much enthusiasm as I do. I never have anyone to talk to that likes the same books I do, or watches the anime I do, or has the same struggles I do playing the violin or writing. I talk about these problems with Greg, my sister, and my mom, but none of them can really talk about it in return. I appreciate someone listening, but sometimes listened isn't enough. And I really don't know what to do to fix this. I'm so shy I have trouble even talking to people on the internet and when I do try, 9 times of 10 I'm completely ignored. *sighs* I don't know... perhaps I'm just being moody.
  • Current Mood: cold
  • Current Music: Akino - Sousei no Aquarion
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